Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
