My liver just broke up with me...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
