I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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