dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
