Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You have to summon your inner elephant
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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