He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
