I puked a lego.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
