i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize