I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
