i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
