complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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