Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
