Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
