Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize