Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I stole a fireplace last night.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
