Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I can't turn off my feet"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
