my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
