i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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