i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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