so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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