she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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