Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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