We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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