hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
