I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The Olympian is in my bed
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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