I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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