one might say we're banned from that church
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
