i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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