If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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