I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
