in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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