My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
