NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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