Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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