apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
