He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
