I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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