I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
