He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
