I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
