The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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