WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
