So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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