when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
