Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
