Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
