i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize