I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
