It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
