So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
