I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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