1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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