my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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