oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
