So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I CAN MOONWALK!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i wish my penis had a tongue
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize