I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
