Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
