can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
