We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
