Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
