I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
