So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
