At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
