i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
