the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
false alarm. still invincible.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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