Are we in a gay sports bar?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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