maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
