cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
