Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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