Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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