ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
