so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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