whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
