I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
