her vagina looked like bernie madoff
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
