the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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