I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
