FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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