No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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