We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
